BOOK 1 CHAPTER 1 CIRCA 2011
BLACK RIVER STONES
“Fear not fear itself as this is the driving force of negativity, darkness and evil. You must cast this completely out of your system, for it is taking up much space. It is a conglomerate of residual energy from not being “right”, therefore believing you’ve done something “wrong”. This is the force within you seeking to destroy you from the inside out,” Thoth says to me as he reaches into my belly through my mouth and pulls shiny black rocks out.
“Rocks of doubt,” I hear my voice inside say.
My tummy does a flip and begins to feel warm.
“Three stones. You must cast these out,” he says as he hands them to me.
Then I see him squatting on the ground with his writing stick and his headdress on, as usual.
I ask him to remove his mask, as usual.
He does and I see his dark wavy shoulder length hair, dark glistening brown eyes, tanned skin and slender but ripped body. He is glowing and I fall in love with him again.
“I am your tan man…what you’ve been looking for your whole life on the outer,” he pauses, looking deeply into me, “I’ve always been here on the inner,” he says, pointing to his bare chest.
“I know,” I say softly, with a tinge of conviction as well as sadness in my voice. “I just thought I’d find you in person in this life...” I trail off, hitting a blank wall in thought.
“I am who you are coming home to. I will be here when you arrive awaken from your sleep dream. Then we will be together forever. Inseparable like once before. For now you must focus. The Neutral needs its voice to guide them to the truth. You know you are that voice. To begin writing, first you must clear the denser vibrations of doubt. So cast out your stones and look inside,” he instructs me.
So I do.
I close my eyes and look at the stones in my hand. They look like smooth black river rocks. I can feel their weight. I turn within, to myself.
“What is my lesson with these stones?” I ask.
Images of the lesson come to me. The past links together with the now by adding more pieces to a puzzle I’ve been solving for over twenty years. Pain and revelation come at once, righting my wrongs, answering my questions, showing me the synchronicities, waking me the fuck up to what was, what is and to the many options of what could be.
I feel the sadness in my heart as tears in my eyes begin to well up. I have no choice but to give in to the pain and allow myself to cry it out. I taste my tears and am reminded of the bittersweet glory of release, liberation and letting go. I feel the tension melt away. I forgive myself for holding onto this for so long and now I feel like I can breathe again.
“Thank you,” I say to myself and to Thoth.
I skip each stone across the water thanking them for their part in my journey.
I look into my belly and refill it with Light and great appreciation.
Thoth has me squat with him on the ground and starts drawing circles in the dirt with his staff.
“These circles of life are rhythmic cycles formed through vibration. Your vibration is your identity. What you’ve coined as your “Signature”. Each Signature is unique. There are no two alike. Your journey begins with your Signature in its purest form and then seeks to attain and return to its purest form. The latter is where you are at currently, on your journey back home. There are several ways to do this…
1. Fear Not
2. Trust Self
3. Listen Within
4.Enjoy The Ride
5. Forgive & Let Go
6. Follow Your Heart
7. Love All
“Now go out today and see the world with new eyes. We will talk again tomorrow. I love you with all that I AM.”
Alchemy, Magic, Intuition, Love, Light, Dark, Fire, Stars & Stuff,
International Intuitive Investigator
Tamara Rennie is an international intuitive healer, teacher and writer from Southern California living in Australia.